More on the concept of Brain Waders.

As discussed in an earlier post (“Farts and grind”), Brain Waders are the equivalent of thigh-length Wellington-boots for your brain, used to safely traverse areas where Intellectual Turd might be found, such as any given office on any given Monday morning.

 I’ve made another important discovery about this.

Those of us who are fortunate enough to be on Flexible Working Hours (Flexi-time, or more commonly just Flexi) will probably all be familliar with the concept of arriving at work in the wee small hours of a Friday morning in order that they might bunk off early and extend the usefull sunbathing/drinking/playing PlanetSide time of their weekend.

During those wee small hours, while your head is filled with cotton-wool, your eyes are gritty and your mouth is still minty from toothpaste, there is a new and dangerous entity at large in the office – “Pseudo-Intellectual Meta-Turd“.

 We have discussed the origins of Intellectual Turd earlier (see “Farts and grind”), so I won’t revisit it again, but the origins of Pseudo-Intellectual Meta-Turd are unkown.

It seems that the office gradually fills up with it during the hours of darkness, then it slowly evaporates (or possibly dries out and crumbles to dust) as the Sun begins to shine.

Current theory from the World’s foremost (and indeed only) expert (me) on the Pseudo-Intellectual Meta-Turd Phenomenon holds that it condenses from Freon released from the Air-Conditioning systems of office buildings overnight.

 The only viable protection from the horror of Pseudo-Intellectual Meta-Turd comes in the liquid form of all good, sturdy pairs of Brain Waders: Caffeine. Caffeine and lots of it. My own personal brand of Brain Waders are made of FairTrade Grande Late, and have so far proved reliable and (barring the occasional slip and fall) largely proof against Intellectual Turd leakage.

 I recommend all workers who go to their offices early of a Friday to afford their brains similar protection. Both lobes, and zip them up tight! You only get one brain: protect it with Brain Waders.